Hello LJ, how are you?
I had a fun five minutes on my nearly hour-long commute this morning as Beck came on the air to discuss his new album.  I found myself really enjoying his new song Modern Guilt as he talked about his music and place in it over the past fifteen years.  It was a good listen, and a wonderful reminder of something I tend to forget when I think of Beck:  I actually do like him.  I will readily admit that I gave away Mellow Gold a long time ago, and have never bought another Beck album.  I have on occasion actually mistaken a Beck song for a Ween song.  I also have been known to more often than not skip ahead to something else if any of Beck's songs come on the radio.  I can't explain why I don't much care to listen to the music...there are little cues that can tend to rub me the wrong way - like the distortion of his voice in the mic or a weird or unnecessary electronic beat thrown in with his guitar.  Sometimes, either due to laziness or actual forced effort, I push past and find myself singing along to Beercan, and having fun doing it.

So...still not posting with any regularity.  I'm really not sure how to fix this other than just force myself to type about things I'm purposefully avoiding.  Mostly, that's the stuff in my life relating to distracted attention and depression - two topics I'm not all that keen on just laying out in the open.  I keep telling myself I'll talk about it more once I figure out a way to create a healthy discussion, but I struggle with not wanting to sound like the person plagued with dark thoughts.  I really want to be the person that overcomes and copes with life despite the depression.  Most days I'm more than fairly functional, and I think that story is more interesting and compelling than the days when I have a hard time even getting up.

My best depression fighter continues to be my family, and that's affected some choices we've been making recently.  I more or less turned down an exciting job offer (more or less means I wouldn't agree to travel requirements) to re-enter the government advocacy field because it was going to take me away from Lissa and the kids for at least a few months to a year at first, and then possibly have me away from all of them with little or no notice.  I just couldn't accept that.  I need to keep working, and need to get back to doing something I love doing, but not at the expense of dance recitals, play dates, pool outings, and piggy-back rides.  I don't want to miss the days where Megan's teachers tell me she's so advanced in her fine motor skills that they've begun displaying her artwork on the wall for themselves.  I don't want to miss watching Emily do the "toddler-run" to fly into Lissa's arms.  You couldn't pay me enough to live my life away from our family.